// 24/7 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPLINES //
0808 2000 247
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1 800 656 HOPE
1 (800) 799-7233
1800 737 732
// RED FLAGS //
Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if they use substances as an excuse for what they do: "The alcohol made me do it.")
Jealousy or possessiveness. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince them that you are innocent of their accusations.
Past child abuse and/or witness of domestic violence. Not all children who come from violent homes become violent, but violence is a learned behaviour.
Inability to handle frustration. If they blow up and explode at small things, and react with a tantrum over minor things, they may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How they deal with anger is the key.
An extreme temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when they act out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
Verbal abuse of parents or other family members; violence toward siblings or others; abuse or mistreatment of pets. These are all signs of his capacity for abusive treatment of others. How do they talk about partners they were involved with in the past? You may be immune now, as the person they are trying to win, but remember that someone who can be disrespectful and cruel to others can eventually turn on you too.
Attitude toward gender roles. Abusive men often have a sense of entitlement based in beliefs that men should be in control, head of the family, etc. and women should be accommodating and submissive.
Attempts to control you. If the person you are dating needs to know where you are and who you are with all the time, calls you excessively to check up, tries to tell you who your friends should be, expects to make all the decisions, these are all signs of the sort of control that goes along with abuse.
Unsettling behaviour. If you find that the person you are dating acts strangely sometimes, makes comments that make you feel uneasy, “playfully” threatens or suggests violence, you may be picking up on a dark side to them.
Poor self-image; insecurity. If they feels compulsive about always being "one up" and dominating and they lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to their control and possibly treated like one of their possessions. They may feel they have the right to treat you like their property, to do as they pleases.
Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method.
A pattern of blaming others for his problems. If they never accepts their faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.
Abuse during the dating period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don't marry them with the belief that "I can change them." You won't.